Thursday, June 19, 2008

Getting close...

A friend reminded me yesterday that it was only a month til my FET! I hadn't really thought about it much, believe it or not! HOLY COW...it is only 4 weeks from Friday! For anyone who has ever gone thru IVF, you will understand the feelings one has before a cycle. You try to be "cautiously optimistic". You want to follow "The Secret" and say/think things like, "I am going to be pregnant this summer!" but all the while you have that little nagging voice in the back of your brain saying, "It's ok if this one doesn't work...you have 9 frozen embryos...you can try again." Or my favorite, "We will be parents one way or another...whether or not biology is there doesn't matter." And it doesn't matter...it is just that we were ready to be parents 3 years ago. When we "removed the goalie from the net" in January 2005, we had the mindset of, if it happens right away, great. If it takes some time, you know like 6 months or so, that is ok too. Well, here we are, 3 1/2 years later and ready for our 5th IVF attempt. I know everything is so much more "in line" this time around. We have a new doctor, we had more tests, we got answers, went thru treatment and now here we are at the edge once again, ready to jump with all of our hopes and dreams packed up in our "parachute" praying that this is the time it actually opens and we can embrace the thrill of the ride. To say this is an emotional time barely scratches the surface. There are times of giddy excitement filled with hope and times of being scared to death. But I know the moment I hear the words, "congratualtions, you're pregnant!" all that we had to do to get there will be a memory. I have met some amazing women during this time, and for that, I wouldn't change a thing! Oh boy...here we go........

2 comments:

KRISTA said...

Lisa--Yes, you are getting close. It's like you wait, wait, wait and then boom, you're scurrying around to get everything you need in time for ET! I know about the guilt you write about---the guilt you feel when others are PG and your not, the guilt you feel b/c you can't be as happy for them as you want! Heck, I have guilt for having N & E while you are still trying! GUILT--How did us, as strong, smart women, get so wrapped around guilt? Oh..that's for another post, another day, I suppose! Anyway--one thing I can continue to do is root you on, be of support to you, listen to you, validate you, encourage you..and of course, come to your baby shower! Lots of hugs and love to you, friend.

Krista

jade said...

Lisa,
This is the first time I have read your blog since you started it! I just want to let you know that you are a wonderful strong woman and that i don't want you to ever feel like you can't talk about what you're feeling emotionally and that you never EVER rain on my parade. I really look forward to reading your posts/emails and finding out what's happening in your life. You will get pregnant no matter how you're feeling, positive days, negative days. Its weird, but when your baby is born (and I think it'll be a girl), you'll look at her and see her need to arrive at that moment in her and your life. It sounds cheesy but that's how i see it!
And as far as being the last on bbc,--don't they save the best for last?
Jade