Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Yet One Step Closer...

Yesterday I welcomed a old friend, Aunt Flo. She hadn't visited since March, since I was on the lovely Lupron Depot, it kept her at bay. What does this mean, you ask? It means tomorrow I turn into a sticker-book (remember those?!). I'm already a pin-cushion, now I get to paste my abdomen with estrogen patches! It starts with one at a time and builds to four at a time! I will replace them with fresh "stickers" every other day. Should make for some fantastic tan lines!! Not that anyone really sees my tummy (we have a pool so I am only really in a bathing suit at my own house!) but it will be interesting! If anyone catches a glimpse, they will think I 1-need to quit smoking, 2-am trying to lose weight, 3-am on that new birth control and maybe just a 4th for good measure! haha!

I am excited to be yet another step closer!!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Getting close...

A friend reminded me yesterday that it was only a month til my FET! I hadn't really thought about it much, believe it or not! HOLY is only 4 weeks from Friday! For anyone who has ever gone thru IVF, you will understand the feelings one has before a cycle. You try to be "cautiously optimistic". You want to follow "The Secret" and say/think things like, "I am going to be pregnant this summer!" but all the while you have that little nagging voice in the back of your brain saying, "It's ok if this one doesn't have 9 frozen can try again." Or my favorite, "We will be parents one way or another...whether or not biology is there doesn't matter." And it doesn't is just that we were ready to be parents 3 years ago. When we "removed the goalie from the net" in January 2005, we had the mindset of, if it happens right away, great. If it takes some time, you know like 6 months or so, that is ok too. Well, here we are, 3 1/2 years later and ready for our 5th IVF attempt. I know everything is so much more "in line" this time around. We have a new doctor, we had more tests, we got answers, went thru treatment and now here we are at the edge once again, ready to jump with all of our hopes and dreams packed up in our "parachute" praying that this is the time it actually opens and we can embrace the thrill of the ride. To say this is an emotional time barely scratches the surface. There are times of giddy excitement filled with hope and times of being scared to death. But I know the moment I hear the words, "congratualtions, you're pregnant!" all that we had to do to get there will be a memory. I have met some amazing women during this time, and for that, I wouldn't change a thing! Oh we go........

Friday, June 6, 2008

A whole new day

I am feeling much better today. Thank you, B, for your comments! I think I am affected more by the weather than I realize. When I wrote the previous post, it was dreary and rainy here. Today it is sunny and on it's way to 90 degrees. We are also going out for a nice dinner tonight, which we rarely seem to go anywhere that is not a Coney or the equivelant anymore! If I want to go out for a nice meal, it is usually with the girls!

I just wanted to thank everyone who is a wonderful support to me. I cherish you all so much!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

My Pity Party

Well, I guess when it rains, it pours! I haven't posted much lately and now here I am...2 in one day!

I've been feeling kind of lonely lately. I feel that I am in this alone for this cycle. Of course, my husband has been absolutely wonderful, but he's a guy, ya know!? Over the last 2 years I have become very close with a group of women I met on babycenter. They have been a great source of support. I am now the last one of the group that has not gotten pg. This is a lonely place to be! Many of them are celebrating their babies 1st birthdays, some are planning this milestone and some have very new babies at home. I feel like I don't want to "rain on their parades" with my upcoming cycle. There are some "newbies" on the board too that are currently pg. While I am so happy for them, I don't have that same closeness that I have with our original group. It makes it hard to visit that board, so I seldom do. I am officially the LAST ONE and it kind of sucks!

I know that these women that I speak of would hate to know that I feel this way and I know they are always there to support me. I know they pray for my miracle to happen. I just feel like such a downer and they have all this wonderful stuff happening right now. It is hard to write this with out getting teary. I have heard of "pregnancy guilt" (when one of us gets pg while another hasn't yet) but is there such a thing as "not-yet-pregnant guilt"?! I feel guilty talking about my sob story and poor me moods while they are experiencing such joy.

Well, my aforementioned dear husband is waiting for me in the other room to have some QT with me...I guess I will conclude this particular pity party and go join him.

So far, so good...

Well, about a week ago I got a call from my nurse. I had emailed her wondering if we had been "forgotten" since it had been about 9 weeks since our egg retrieval and they told us we'd have our genetic test results in 4-6 weeks. I had heard that the testing was taking longer than they had originally told us, so I was trying my best to exercise patience. When we had met with the genetic counselor, she had told us that if we had 50% "normal" that that is fantastic (not just us...that is an across the board statistic). Well, out of our 11 frozen embryos, we have 9 that are considered "normal"!! That is greater than 80%!!! Of course, we are thrilled with the news.

Also, I am officially DONE with Lupron Depot! Now I am on birth control pills to regulate me. I will start lupron shots on June 17th. Then, on June 27 (roughly) I will add estrogen patches and baby asprin. Around July 13th I will add progesterone, Medrol and Tetracycline. My estimated FET is July 18th. I think I may need a seperate planner to keep all the drugs straight!

We are rather busy with wedding showers, graduations and graduation parties, and even a little traveling between now and our FET...hopefully it will help make the time fly by! In case I haven't mentioned before, I am ready to get pg!!