Wednesday, June 4, 2008

My Pity Party

Well, I guess when it rains, it pours! I haven't posted much lately and now here I am...2 in one day!

I've been feeling kind of lonely lately. I feel that I am in this alone for this cycle. Of course, my husband has been absolutely wonderful, but he's a guy, ya know!? Over the last 2 years I have become very close with a group of women I met on babycenter. They have been a great source of support. I am now the last one of the group that has not gotten pg. This is a lonely place to be! Many of them are celebrating their babies 1st birthdays, some are planning this milestone and some have very new babies at home. I feel like I don't want to "rain on their parades" with my upcoming cycle. There are some "newbies" on the board too that are currently pg. While I am so happy for them, I don't have that same closeness that I have with our original group. It makes it hard to visit that board, so I seldom do. I am officially the LAST ONE and it kind of sucks!

I know that these women that I speak of would hate to know that I feel this way and I know they are always there to support me. I know they pray for my miracle to happen. I just feel like such a downer and they have all this wonderful stuff happening right now. It is hard to write this with out getting teary. I have heard of "pregnancy guilt" (when one of us gets pg while another hasn't yet) but is there such a thing as "not-yet-pregnant guilt"?! I feel guilty talking about my sob story and poor me moods while they are experiencing such joy.

Well, my aforementioned dear husband is waiting for me in the other room to have some QT with me...I guess I will conclude this particular pity party and go join him.


Beth said...

Okay, so you knew you were going to get comments... you know you will never spoil anyone's parade, but I can totally understand that you feel this way. Sort of how I feel about never complaining that I am always so tired -- this is my dream, and how dare I complain?

I have told you before how strong I think you are, and admire you for even hangin' with all of us in Chicago, had I been in your shoes, I would have stayed home and cried my eyes out.

My baby guilt makes it so that I wish that I could be right there with you in this cycle, but I so believe that you deserve this time in the limelight. Everyone on the board is so excited for you and is ready to cheer you on to the ultimate victory! I feel bad that I don't get there (or now, even email) as much as I used to... but I an just a phone call away and anytime you want to talk I'm here for you, and I will never think that you are a downer or that you are raining on my parade...

Hang in there... :)

Love ya! Beth

MO & TDO said...

Lisa, I am not sure I can add to what your friend Beth has already beautifully said however, you have every right to feel the way you do!

Although we have all had a glimpse into what seems like the endless announcements of new pregnancies and new babies and oh wow! you're now preggers for the second time... None of our journeys has been as long or hard fought as yours.

I think about you all the time and can not wait for the day you become a Mom. Hang in there - sounds like you are now in the 6WW!


justineh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
justineh said...

Sorry I mispelled alot in the last post:
Lisa, sweetheart....
I totally understand and I do feel bad that I posted pics of Lolas birthday and things about her. But I know this is going to happen for you and it will be you talking about your wee one VERY SOON.I would never not want you to share all your emotions with us, we want to be there for you. I want to hear all about your cycle and I am genuinely interested and hopeful as I know the other girls are and want to be there to cheer you along on the sidelines (even if they are virtual sidelines!) I wish I could have met you in ORD to give you the biggest hug ever and hope to meet you soon.
You are not alone, you are in our thoughts everyday.
Ive been there too, ive cried seeing a person walk down the street pregnant, ive cried in the baby eisle at Target, heck I cried when my friend dog had puppies (sad I know). my road was not a long as yours but you just have a longer commute than me (if that makes sense???!?)
Virtual Hugs Lisa