Emotions at an all-time high

It has been 5 1/2 weeks since my ER. I was told the microarray tests were taking about 5 weeks. I am, by nature, a realtively patient person. Well, I guess it is better to say I don't get nervous/anxious about things until they are right in front of me. At my wedding I was calm as could be right up to the point that my dad and I reached the door of the church and I heard the music playing. Then I was like, "whoa...this is happening!" So now, knowing that I could find out the fate of my 11 embryos at any minute...I am climbing the walls! I mean, this is a huge deal! I mean, I have 11 potential babies and I am waiting to hear how many of them have a real chance of becoming a living, breathing extension of Ryan and I. It is hard to fight back tears while typing this (thanks a lot, Lupron Depot!).

Speaking of this hormone pumping thru my body...I have not had a good nights sleep in what seems like forever! I suppose I could look at it like I should get used to it, because once a baby, or babies, are here I won't get much sleep. I have had wicked hot flashes! One second I am sweating so much my clothes are starting to get damp, so I kick off all the covers. Then what seems like minutes later, I am shivering! It just sucks, but if it gets me pregnant, so be it. I honestly can't remember if I posted about this before...another side effect, forgetfulness!

I could go on...my thoughts just go in circles in my head. Basically, I am emotional like I can't remember ever being, sweating my butt off (if only it was literally) and I jump every time my darn phone rings in anticipation of learning the fates of our "babies".

On a good note, a new friend of mine, that I met out in Colorado, shared with me today that she is pregnant! I couldn't be more thrilled for her! Hopefully next summer our little ones can have a well-deserved "play date"!

Snowbabies, etc...

Snowbabies, Grandsickles, Neice and Nephbrios...whatever you want to call them...we have 11 of 'em!! Our official count is in. 11 embryos have been biopsied and vitrified. Vitrified is a new thing they are doing to freeze the embryos. Typically, when freezing embryos in the U.S., they will take the embryo down in stages until it is frozen. My doctor went to China to research this new technology in freezing. I believe the lab at CCRM is the only one in the states that uses vitrification at this time. The embryos are basically "flash frozen" (think of your frozen veggies..."flash frozen for freshness") rather than taken down in stages. The "old" way usually has about a 70% survival rate when they thaw the embryos. With vitrification, there is greater than 90% survival rate with many couples not losing a single embryo. And after they are thawed, they look just as good as embryos from a fresh cycle! The biopsies have been sent to a lab in New Jersey. Currently, they are the only lab doing Micro-Array, the genetic testing we are having done. The results should take about 5 weeks. I will start depot-lupron tomorrow or the next day. So we're cookin' (as Uncle Neal would have said!).

MORE DENVER

Off the subject of IVF, Denver was actually pretty fun. My mom was with me Monday thru Saturday. She has never been to Denver, but more than that, it was awesome to just have some one-on-one mother/daughter time. We went to our share of malls (there are plenty in Denver!) and a "road trip" to Colorado Springs to visit my bff and her family. We watched chick flicks, ate and just hung out. It was perfect!

While there, I also met a new friend. I was waiting for a blood draw one day and we started chatting for a few minutes. Then I saw her later at acupuncture. We quickly realized we had a lot in common...her last name is my maiden name, we both have PCOS, her mom's name was going to be my mom's name (long story, involves the movie Mildred Peirce!) and we were both from Michigan and go to the same acupuncurist here too! She is very sweet and I know this was not the last I will see of her!

Then Ryan got to Denver on Saturday. By this point I was starting to get a bit uncomfortable and "full" feeling. We still did a lot though. We took another trip to Colorado Springs, went to the U.S. Mint, more malls and more eating! ha! I was exhausted most of the time at this point and took almost daily naps...which I never do! I just could not keep my eyes open mid-afternoon!

All in all, it was a good trip...the weather was to die for! 50's-70's and sunny every single day but one! It was good to come home and see the rest of our family and our dog, Thor, but we flew in to a snow storm, yup, in late March! But it is still good to be home!

MY TRIP TO OZ

Whew...I am back from Denver. What a whirlwind that was! I had my egg retrieval...28 eggs!! Of the 28, 27 were mature and 26 fertilized. I spoke with John, the embyrologist, yesterday for my "day 3 update" of our "babies". Of our 26, they have all divided (grown). They would like to see them between 6 and 8 cells on day 3. 13 of ours are 6-8 cells...the othe 13 are only slightly behind. John said that this does not mean that they won't "catch up". We will get another update on day 5 and/or 6. At that time, they will remove some cells for genetic testing. The cells they will remove will come from what will be the placenta...not from the mass that will become the baby. The genetic counselor told me, or prepared me, that it is common for many of the embryos to be "abnormal" and to not feel like something is wrong with us.

I did get a little "sick" after my ER. By sick, I mean OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome). It was a mild case...I had it much worse with my first cycle. What happens is, after ER, free fluid collects in the follicles and around your organs. This can make you very bloated, very sore and uncomfortable and also hard to breathe. I had all these lovely symptoms, but again, not too bad compared to the first time. I am feeling much better now, thank God!

I will start my depot lupron (for my lining issue) with my next AF (Aunt Flo...period). This will be 2 shots, 30 days apart. So after the 60 days, I will go on bcp for 21 days overlapping the last 4 or 5 pills with lupron (more shots) to prepare for my FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). This will most likely happen in July, I think.

Speaking of shots...I decided to do a little tally. To date, for this cycle only, mind you, I have had and/or given myself 52 shots (thigh, belly, hip), had 11 blood draws (and still counting), 1 IV (2 attempts and 2 shots to numb the area first) and approximately 90 acupuncture needles. That means I have been "stuck" about 157 times in the last month! yeouch!!! Of course, it will all be worth it in the end!

Phase One

So, a few days ago, I started "phase one"...I started lupron injections. Actually I guess "phase one" probably started about a month ago w/bcp. Anyway, the only side effect I am noticing right now is hot flashes...not fun, but not the worst thing that could happen. I will have a "supression check" on Wednesday, March 5 to make sure "all is calm" inside. This is done by ultrasound and a blood draw. If all is good, I start stim injections Thursday. This will mean I will be doing 3 injections a day. Starting in the morning with Repronex, given intermuscularly (IM) in the hip (aka butt). Then, around 7pm, is the Lupron injection, given subcutaneously (sub-q) in the upper thigh, rounding it all out with a Gonal-f injection, also sub-q, in the belly. This will continue until my follicles are ready, or "ripe". Then I will have one more IM injection to release the follicles (ovulate). 36 hours later, I will go in for my egg retrieval, aka the best 20 minute nap around! Oh yeah, and I forgot, in the midst of all this, I will be traveling to Denver on the 10th! My mom is going with me Monday thru Friday. Ryan will arrive Saturday morning. While we are there, there will be lots of ultrasounds and blood draws, plus acupuncture and a meeting with a genetic counselor to discuss PGS (Preimplatation Genetic Screening) options. I know this time is going to fly by. Then we will be in "phase two" which will be Depot Lupron injections to hopefully correct my lining issue. During this time, genetic testing will be done on our embryos. After all that is done, it will be back to Denver for our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). What a whirlwind!!

Box 'o Drugs

My big "Box 'o Drugs" came today. Actually it was supposed to be here by 10:30 am...it arrived at about 4:30 pm. I was under "house arrest" waiting for it since it requires a signature. That made my morning fun...you know the kind of day that you just know the minute you get in the shower, the delivery man will be at your door! So I had to do it all in stages...brush my teeth, wash my face...check for delivery truck...try to make hair look somewhat presentable for the day, aka, back comb a nice "poof" for a "stylish ponytail"...check for delivery truck...jump in shower for a quick scrub and rinse (no time for a shave today)...check for delivery truck. Of course this is all happening after I waited until after 10:30 when it should have been here (as it has been every other time). By now lunch time is approaching and my plans for the day keep getting pushed back. I called FedEx and she tried to tell me that all thier flights on the East coast were held up due to weather, but I am looking right at the tracking online that says it was on a truck for delivery at 6:30 this morning. After calling her on the lie, she said, "oh...that's right...what you are saying is correct...let me try to make a call and call you back." Of course, no call back. SOOOO anyhoo...they are here now...here is a picture of what my future holds in the next few weeks...ENJOY!!!

The parenthood marathon

I was thinking today...often we (my bbc friends) say that infertilitly and IVF is such a roller coaster. I think it might actually be more like a marathon...not a race, but a marathon. You start out, often with others you may or may not know are in the same marathon, at the sound of the shotgun. You are all running along. For some runners, the marathon is beautiful, smooth and straight. For others, you may run into some hurdles. Some women stride over the hurdles gracefully, while others sometimes fall and skin thier knees. They get up and with luck they get over the hurdle and finish thier marathon. For some, they get over the hurdle to be faced with yet another one...and another one. Some people, and I include myself in this catagory, just can't seem to get over that first hurdle. Many of your friends have crossed over the finish line and are enjoying the fruits of thier labor. Most of them have not forgotten about you and that first hurdle. I imagine it pains them to not be able to help you over the hurdle. Some may even offer to jump that hurdle for you if you need them too and even a select few offer to run the whole marathon for you. You start to think, "maybe I should forget about this hurdle for a while." Maybe if you train more (diet and exercise) or seek out herbal remedies maybe you will be able to jump higher and clear the hurdle. You try everything in your power to get over that hurdle just to be knocked down by it over and over. You get so exhausted and tired of having scraped knees. Sometimes you think, "there must be another marathon for me. One that will allow me to cross the finish line."...even if that marathon takes you in a different direction. Sometimes you see some of the same familiar runners attempting this marathon for the second or third time...all while you are still trying to get over that one darn hurdle! Your friends and loved ones are often on the sidelines with all the positive energy in the world, cheering you on and offering support when you get knocked down. They all wish your marathon was without hurdles and you could just run right over the finish line.

Well, I am planning on making it over that darn hurdle and enjoying the fruits of my labor in early 2009. I understand that my new "trainer" is the best around! :D